Dear friends, enemies (at the beginning of the year ecumenism reigns),
colleagues, and correspondents,
In the great masters to think unjustly fallen into oblivion,
some of you may remember the shadocks,
charming pompous little creatures with a loud voice and
revolutionary philosophy (photo below for the nostalgic).
To guarantee happy days all year long, they had
found much better than the wishes: the concentration of all the troubles the first of the year, to be got rid of once and for all. Thus, from the dawn of January 1, many volunteers were going, one behind the other, to embed themselves by car in a plane tree (unless it was a fir tree?), Until 'that the annual number of car accidents is reached, then guaranteeing 364 days of road traffic without scratches (better than speed cameras, admit it).
If we can do it with car accidents, we can do it with excuses (Chinese proverb, dating from the Confusian era I think).
Rather than send you wishes then you are already a victim of overproduction on this side there (one more), I decided to you
present, at the beginning of the year, the excuses that I owed you, you must or you should one day, in order to guarantee relationships
harmonious, rid of these little formalities, until 31
next December (and more if affinities). Because apologies, I owe a bunch:
- to all (and worse, to all) to whom I replied with
weeks or months late to their super-hyper-top-mega-urgent email who couldn't wait, when I answered ...
- to all those for whom I am about to do the same in 2007, my body defending obviously; I'm not a complete gougnafier anyway,
- to the 3600 registered on my mailing list to whom, this year again, I am about to slash morale at intervals (fortunately less and less) regular, while I have not sworn to replace Roger Gicquel from a very young age already,
- to 7.741 people aged 4 and over who depressed during one of my conferences in 2006, to 1.926 for whom it was already planned in 2007, and to 2.641.000 average readers of Le Nouvel Observateur to whom I I announced that Capri in the car, it's over, no but no joke,
- to all those who, swollen with hope and trembling with impatience,
were waiting for the grôôôsse disaster for 2006, and who are about to launch a class action (sorry, a collective action!) against me, all united behind Allègre, for false advertising,
- to all those who cannot stand my voice on the radio; I really thought about a lifting of the vocal cords but I expect the security to reimburse me,
- to all those who are waiting for a page on this or that (the merger,
the energy of the seas, why the pope is almost silent on the environment, a comment on Gore's film, if the ecology is on the left or on the right, and especially if the organic force-feeding changes the taste of foie gras) and who still haven't seen a quarter of a half,
- to all those who are waiting for an update of one of the existing pages of my site, because they are worth it (these excuses are offered to you by L'Oreal), even if
http://www.manicore.com/actualites.html will show you that I made some shy attempts,
- to all those who wanted a climatically new year's eve recipe
okay i'm only delivering it to you now (but it can be used again
next year, or for your birthday): oysters
(oyster farming sequesters around 250 g of CO2 per kg of shellfish, even taking transport into account; go free) and champagne (1 bottle = the same climate pollution as 10 km by car; drinking or driving is all chosen), and in addition my miracle menu does not even make you fat,
- and finally, to all those who consider that the wishes are sent
January 1 before midnight, as evidenced by the postmark, and not
after!
After this Everest of contrition, let's return to the Shadokian philosophy that will punctuate the first months of the year, since I am sure that you will recognize it in a more or less disguised form in various campaign declarations, and in particular - but not only - when it comes to climate change. Judge rather, since here are the precepts to which any disciple of Rouxel and Pieplu should
comply:
- Why make it simple when you can make it complicated ? (many variations possible, and the rest will not fail),
- If there is no solution, there is no problem (when you dig a little, isn't that how a certain number of elected officials and voters take the problems energy-climatic?)
- When you don't know where you're going, you have to go ... and the quickest
possible (reading the presidential programs will show you that the clear vision of "where we must be in 50 years" is an extremely rare exception and not at all the rule),
- For there to be as few dissatisfied as possible, it is always necessary
tap on the same (in application of this Shadokien principle, almost 100% of the restrictive measures on emissions are concentrated on manufacturers - 33% of national emissions including electrical production. As long as you lose a voice, you might as well lose it on an actor which emits a lot - an industrialist - only on an actor which emits little
- a household, by virtue of which it is often "the same" who are concerned),
- It is better to mobilize your intelligence on bullshit than
mobilize your bullshit on smart things (but we can also try to do both, some do not hesitate).
And on that, all the good for 2007 all the same, and good start (and good end, as long as we are there) of a new year, hoping that it will be sweet anyway, and I'm not just talking about temperatures, of course!
Very cordially to all,
Jean-Marc Jancovici